Today I've been thinking a lot
about what I've learned lately.
The possible path before me
of tireless climbing
and constant hunt for advancement.
Is that really what I want?
What if I invested my breath
and preciously short life span
in a game without ultimate value.
No winners. Only players. Fighters.
Temporary flashes of transient glory.
Then the never ending strife
not to slide back down again.
And no rest.
No peace.
But sure death.
For what?





For me to play this game full on,
I'd have to love the hunt itself
and not think there could ever be
any other prize at the end than that.
There is no stop at the top.
Nobody here has got enough.
Even the most successful ones
cannot fully enjoy their wealth
but rather has to work even harder not to lose it.
I'd have to be sure I think it's worth it,
to be sweating day and night
to keep the house of cards
from tumbling down upon my head.
Is this what I want from life?
Who said I came here to make it?
What if I didn't come here to fulfill my dreams
but to see through them
and give them up?
What if the glorious prize at the end of my journey
is to return to Sweden free from ambition
and love its calm more than ever?

The Voice tells me to relax
and not jump to conclusions.
"K, what if you're just overwhelmed right now?
What if you're standing at the foot of the mountain
and get blinded by imagining a climb uphill,
not realizing that each step on the way
would simply be a joyous, natural adventure
of doing what you love the most:
Music. Singing. Socializing. Journeying."

My head is spinning.
Got to find peace somewhere.
Time to meditate...