The reason I haven't written lately
is because I've been confronted
with something I didn't expect when coming here.
It's been an unsettling process
and I've felt quite confused at times.





I thought I came here for inspiration
and to lay the foundation for my next album.
My intention was to widen my perspectives
and temporarily escape
my secure, well known routes and patterns.
But I didn't expect to become accustomed
to the buzz and hum of the city,
the tempo and liveliness on the streets
and the never ending exploration of mystery and opportunity.
And I hadn't expected
to actually connect with the soul of the city
and truly feel the love of New York.





One day as I stepped out on the street
and the vibrant energy of a busy Union Square hit me
I realized that I wasn't gonna leave as easily from here
as I had previously thought.
My idea was just to visit and enjoy,
soak it all in and then get out.
But NYC has gotten to me.

I didn't want to rant about my feelings
of passing a point of no return
before my inner chaos had settled
and I could see through the drama
with firm ground beneath my feet.

Now I've been here for almost two months.
I haven't been focusing on the music
as much as I thought I would.
There's a lot of inspiration here for sure
and as soon as I turn to my computer
the sounds come alive.
But still, my journey doesn't seem to be
about spending time in the studio, facing the monitors.
But rather about exposing myself
to the vibe and flow of Her grace,
making me see that there's a mysterious path for me
amidst skyskrapers, homeless people,
billionaires and grafitti tags.



Then again,
I have all my friends, family
and everyone I love in Stockholm.
But if I deny the signs
and resist the flow of the current
so lovingly leading me through this amazing yet monstrous city
I may never have the chance to give myself fully
to an adventure like this again.
Later in life things may look very different.
Practical stuff. Like the year 2012 approaching.
Also dad died a few years back
and mom isn't getting any younger...
Things like that.
There will most probably come a day
when I need to be in Sweden anyway.
So if I want to go for this ride
it's now or never.



And I ask myself:
As an earnest seeker
and contemporary mystic,
do I dare to forfeit my personal invitation
to spend a few years in the capitol of dreams
and do my journey through the most auspicious
and mythical concrete jungles of my time?

This is where I am.
And though I'm supposedly so far away from home
I still feel more in tune with my destiny than ever.

New York looks at me. She smiles.
Knowing exactly what I go through.
Watching my every move.
Awaiting my response.
Anticipating my surrender.
Challenging my commitment
and testing my faith.



"This time I've reached the point of no return..."
- Mixed Blood

One of my first friends to move to NYC
more than ten years ago
was Alexi Delano, DJ and music producer.

We met up and had lunch at a vegetarian restaurant
in the neighborhood where he used to live
back in the days when the gangs and drug dealers
still ruled the streets of Manhattan.

He told me how he had been nervous at first
only to later find that the thugs looked after
and often protected those who lived on the block.
They even made sure his girlfriend wasn't bothered
when she came through the neighborhood late at night.

Nowadays all of NYC is pretty much cleaned up.
Some are still overcome with romantic nostalgia
and get a dreamy, far away stare
while thinking back on the days
when you could still get properly mugged on the street.



One of my dearest and most sincere supporters in NYC
is Jeffrey Capshew.
Jeff has been in book sales for over twenty years,
He's the VP at Macmillan, one of the major book publishers in the States,
and also happens to be an earnest, deeply passionate music lover.
Whenever I upload new songs on Myspace or videos on Youtube
Jeff is quick to notice, write a few lines and give me honest feedback.

Now we finally got to meet in person
and it felt like we've known eachother for years.
Which is true in some odd way, thanx to the internet.

We spent hours with Jeff's giant music collection
filling up a wall in a spacious and beautiful Manhattan flat.
And among his many hundreds of CD's I had my very own section.
There were everything from my experimental phase,
the Tupilaq's, Yeti's and the Solaroid
to the violently rapturous, hard rocking Enter the Hunt.
I even found a single with DIVE,
mine and Erik Holmberg's group from the nineties,
that I had never seen before.

I picked it up, touching and reading the cover.
Then I looked up at the many shelves of CD's before me.
And suddenly it occurred
that not only had my music managed to travel the distance,
reaching someone on the other side of the world
but it had also come to stand out
as one of his five most dear items
in a carefully assembled collection of amazing music.
It was a strange and humbling thought.



Jeffrey's stereo looked like something out of a Star Trek movie.
It costs as much as my Stockholm appartment.
Normally I wouldn't want to listen to my own stuff
but this time I had the chance to hear
what my productions would sound like
on a state of the art hifi equipment.
And it worked. Which is almost a bit of a surprise
when thinking that the equipment with which I crafted the works
isn't anywhere nearly as fancy.
I expected all the flaws and shortcomings to be revealed.
But it sounded good.

Later a somewhat embarrased Jeff admitted
to having at least two copies of everything I've released.
You gotta be kidding, I said.
- Nope.
His excuse was that he simply needed some good music
over at his office in midtown as well.

The world is strange and beautiful indeed.

New York is definitely a She.
And like all powerful women
she is mistaken for being cold.
Most people approach her to get something.
And she knows it.
She deals with it every day.
That doesn't mean she hasn't got a heart.
He who finds it
is loved and given anything he wants.

I almost missed her.
But I stood the test.
I almost bought into the paranoia
but then decided to stay.
And from that very moment she opened up to me.
I now realize I was too quick to judge her.
But in my particular case it was good,
coz somehow it provoked her
to show me I was wrong.
But only after I decided to stay.

She is everything and anything.
I immediately admitted and appologized.
And she showed me love.

From now on
instead of thinking there's someting she lacks
I will simply confide to her
what I miss.
And I know she will show it to me.



I see her more clearly now.
I see that she is complex and often misunderstood.
Now there's a mutual love.
And she will give me anything I want.

What touches her the most is
that I don't want anything FROM her,
but that my dream is to give TO her.
She is deeply moved by this.
And the mere fact
that I so boldly dare to say out loud
that I know she loves me
makes her even more certain
that I have understood her heart.
Now it envelopes and protects me
and I have an allie
in the city of cities.

I could have anything I want from her.
But then again,
if I became greedy
I'd make no difference.
She would probably grant me my wishes.
But I'd be just another fortune seeker.
Not her lover.

Yesterday I booked a plane for saturday.
Two weeks back and forth to Stockholm.
I thought it was a great idea.
I'd escape the swineplague,
get to reunite with my friends,
hear our new Enter the Hunt single on the radio
and ride my bike in the swedish archipelago.
I could chill out and see how things progressed
and in worst case stay home
and forfeit my ticket back here.

Then I spoke to my homies on Skype.
They gathered behind the webcam
and were all extremely amuzed by the fact
that I'm coming back home
due to the Swine Flu scare.

I had already decided
that I wasn't gonna listen to anybody
but my own heart and gut feeling.
This usually works very well for me.
But there was something my friends in Stockholm said
that changed the whole scenario completely.



At home I'm used to observing USA from afar.
From there I can easily keep my distance,
see through the charade
and games of the puppet masters.
But here I'm IN the nightmare.

- Man, don't forget, they said,
You're in the USA. That's how they do it over there.
They scare the living hell out of people.
Every winter when the first flakes of snow fall on the ground
TV and radio yells at you to go indoors,
park the car, seal the windows
and prepare for what not.
You're in the fear factory, bro.
The very home of the soap opera!"



Today everything felt different.
It was like waking up after having been exposed
to a spell of paranoia, a projection of fear.
A fever ray, if you will.
And it had just cost me five hundred dollars
for a plane ticket I now know I wont use.

Of course I would much rather die
in the woods than in the city.
The thing is just that I'm not gonna die now.
It's simply not my time.
I listen inwards and just know
that I'm not going anywhere.
To me
what this is all about
is that I've just had my first close encounter
with one of most american phenomenon of all:
Paranoia.

Now I'm initiated.
Welcome to A m e r i c a .










(Drawing of deformed face photographed
from the graphic novel "Black Hole"
by Charles Burns)